Seven Things Every Man Should Know About Women.
The fairer sex, they smell like Mangos, levitate, and don’t fart. Incredible, can you believe it? Maybe not. There is probably more reliable information about the loch ness monster these days than there is about how women and men should relate to one another. It all starts out as a young boy, when you are taught that girls are just the same as boys. Yet when you treat them just like your knucklehead friends and punch their arms and call them ‘dude’, they won’t talk to you anymore? How can you ever have a good relationship with women if you don’t understand how we are different? And why that makes us perfect for each other? Well, there are certainly a few tidbits of wisdom I’ve learned in my travels that might be useful for us to understand each other a little better.
1). Women say what they feel, not always what they mean. My sister explained this to me once, when I had a misunderstanding with an ex-girlfriend that led to a very heated argument which, according to her, was a mile off the mark. I was giving out, defending my rational position, and she quite plainly said it was never about that. I thought a lot about it, and I have since learned that a woman’s word can be an expression of how they feel at that moment, not necessarily exactly what they mean. Especially if there are emotions involved. The next time your lady says something to you, and you think where does she get off? Try to think more about the feeling expressed rather than the content of the speech. In this sense, like in English classroom, you might look at the expression’s content as poetry. What is the feeling expressed in what she is saying? If your girlfriend says you’ve been playing too many video games and you’ve only been online for ten minutes? Is it really about the video games or is it your lack of attention to her and to the rest of life in general? Instead of throwing down your controller and having a rational argument about times, averages, and what all your friends are doing - hear the feeling expressed, not the content.
2). You shouldn’t analyse a lady if she’s in a mood; she is not an edition of ‘To kill a mockingbird.’ As men with our masculine brains, we like cause and effect and get to the bottom of things, but frequently there is no final cause, and trying to ‘fix’ a woman will just piss them off more. Women are like life, sometimes challenging, rewarding, exciting, frightening, confusing, fantastic, and everything else under the sun. So what you need to learn is not to look for an easy path, an obvious solution. When she isn’t happy, learn to love her regardless of this, through the rain and the sunshine. She will be much more receptive to you if you are present and loving and don’t try to solve her like a crossword puzzle.
3). Women test men, one of my favourite things to do when I have a new lady over is to listen for the criticisms.
“Do you own a sweeping brush? These decorations are INTERESTING. I see you must like Ikea A LOT?” Women will push your buttons just to see what you will do. They want to see if you are an overly sensitive, lazy, sullen child or somebody who is actually capable of taking criticism. The female equivalent of men slagging each other constantly to test you out and see if you’re on a high horse or not. If I can’t slag you, how can I trust you? The same is true for women if she tests you and you fly off the handle, how can she trust you? You want a partner that tests you, one who can point out your flaws because you can’t see them, and you never know where they are if you don’t listen to her. A weak man whose life is in tatters gets annoyed when women tests them and point out all the problems. Lord knows we can all be that way, but really what these tests are is an opportunity to improve where you are weak and to make a better life. Appreciate them because they can make you a better man.
4) Women love questions, nosy trouble makers if you ask me. Women love impromptu personality tests, horoscopes, and ‘would you rather’ questions, would you rather be too tall or too small? To walk on your hands or to have hands for your feet? Be lobster or an earwig? Whatever! These questions offer a little glimpse into the intangible human personality she has a great business in apprehending, particularly to find out if she can trust you! Shocker, men are dangerous to women, so women need to know who the hell you are. If you’re just a fun bad boy type or actually a full-blown Ted Bundy, are you a person worthy of a woman’s trust? And if not, how could you be?
5). Women crave connection. This has been a hard one for me. I think like all men, we are like cavemen that could happily live in swamps and hit each other with sticks all day. But relationships and marriages go bad like gone off fruit because of years and years of missed opportunities for connection; shrugs, eye rolls, turned backs. All these lead to your relationship’s inevitable death; death by a thousand cuts. More frequently, women initiate divorce, and the man has no clue anything is wrong. He has just been doing what feels natural, but by then, it is already too late; death a thousand cuts. So be conscious of your connection with your lady! Connection is difficult because it requires vulnerability, bravery, and attention. It can be very hard as a man to even access your feelings. I feel like most modern men actually need to be re-trained to feel. We are very used to being in our heads, ignoring our feelings, and always looking for a release from feeling, which can become an ingrained and self-destructive habit.
How can you think about connection? One way is to imagine your shoulders are like wings and imagine that your wings are open, or to picture your chest as a doorway, imagine that doorway is open, and let energy freely pass from you to her. Fear, stress, distrust, uncertainty, and pornography are all things that can ruin your ability to connect with women. Even things like posture, habits, and your goal in life matter; It’s all interconnected. This all might sound hokey but is tremendously important. You can tyrannise women by denying them a connection, and it is a death sentence for any relationship.
6). Women are a gift, don’t get me wrong they can be a pain in the ass, but for me personally, my life has always been shaped and guided by women’s kindness. Women come in all shapes and sizes. You will have sexual and platonic relationships, but there is still something always unique with your relationship with women compared to your male friendships, which can get you through the toughest of times if nurtured. You shouldn’t take their kindness and compassion for granted and use them to escape from your responsibility of living like a drug or alcohol. Men can binge on compassion and kindness and become human logs. You should treat your relationship with respect, dignity, and a certain amount of seriousness. You have a responsibility to act with integrity and be a man of substance who will not distort a ladies reality. If you can maintain trust, two heads are always better than one.
7) Your masculine mission, the dilemma as a man, is between your purpose and your women. Women are attracted to men striving for something bigger than themselves, not necessarily Hollywood, fast cars, and billions of dollars, but something you are passionate about, a cause that moves you deeply. This is where Hollywood gets it wrong, a woman doesn’t want to be the center of man’s world.
“don’t want to ever leave my side, don’t go to the bathroom, i’ll miss you too much!” Maybe for a week, it’s cute, and after that - barf. A woman wants to be part of your life and not the axis on which you are revolving. The idea is to create an interesting life with enough going on that you can bring her into your life, and the experience is a treat and not that she finds out you’ve been lying about everything, and your life is on fire. Create a genuinely interesting life and worth sharing with someone else, and you’ll be fine.
So there we are, a few lessons from the front lines. For further reading, I would recommend David Deida’s The way of the superior man, much of which I’ve echoed here from my own experience. Brian Begin, The Fearless Man, who is very good at embodiment and connection. And I suppose, one final thing, trying to be cool isn’t ever cool. What is much cooler is doing what you love and not apologising for it. Being who you are allows others to do the same, and that’s the greatest gift a man can give; freedom.