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Essay: The Best Advice I Ever Got About Women
POV: You’re sitting on the couch. Your girlfriend comes in, you’re sitting there, minding your own business. She looks at you.
‘You suck!’ she says. Ok, maybe that’s a little bit strong. But she’s not pleased. She looks at you like you just farted - you think, what is it? What did I do? In your head, you run through all of the options. Do I smell? Is the place a mess? Did I forget somebody’s birthday? I was literally doing nothing? And that’s the problem.
Happy Valentine’s day bodiddlys. Here’s the best advice I ever got about women, from the wise and benevolent David Deida, in his book ‘The Way of The Superior Man.’
“You want to know what triggered her bad mood so you can fix the situation. Because you love her, you begin asking her questions to get to the root of the problem. You are under the illusion that when you find the cause of her affliction, then the cure will easily follow. But it doesn’t work that way...The amazing thing is 90 % of women’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved.’
This is a very metaphysical claim and probably not a real statistic far as I can tell. Still, it is certainly a useful heuristic to stop you from being a dope all the time.
When she is upset, don’t stand back and analyse her quandaries, like a doctor diagnosing a patient or like a therapist questioning a client. Give her love instead - the same love that motivated your questioning and inquisition - immediately and unmistakable.
The best way to figure out if this is true or not is to test it out in your own relationship. Often, something is going on with your girlfriend, but you don’t understand, you want to help? But your helping is like pouring gasoline on a fire - you’re kind of thinking, what is what’s going on? Why am I an idiot? What is missing from this picture?
Instead of going off the deep end and becoming some sort of Sherlock Holmes. All you have to do is love her.
As David Deida says,
“Assume she is more like a flower that needs watered than an engine that needs a carburetor adjustment. Don’t assume anything is wrong at all. Assume that she wants love from you, in a deep, strong, steady, and sensitive way.”
However, that comes about. Hold her tight, kiss her, look in her eyes. Tell her that you love her and communicate your feeling so that she feels your love for her unmistakably. And this will save a lot of confusion for both parties.
This is my Valentine’s Day advice: don’t fake it, get in touch with those deep masculine emotions, and don’t look back.
Having trouble, loving? Check out my article below on the three barriers to love and how to overcome them in yourself so you can have better and more connected relationships.